Medical Student Overly Excited About Babesiosis

November 29, 2000

CHICAGO, IL—The University Of Chicago College Of Medicine confirmed today that second-year medical student Alex Brooks had become unduly excited upon discovering the term “babesiosis” in a microbiology textbook.

Classmate
Mohammed Loutfi

Brooks, whom faculty describe as a solid student, is reported to have fixated upon the term, having apparently come to the erroneous conclusion that babesiosis bears relation to the similar, but unrelated, term babes.

“I’m almost certain that the word conjured up a mental image of women in bikinis for Alex,” said classmate and friend Mohammed Loutfi.

“Alex isn’t a bad looking guy, but he’s really desperate for a girlfriend, and I think he just really fixates on anything remotely related to women.”

According to anonymous sources, Brooks had been studying quietly in the College’s Warburton Health Sciences Library, when he unexpectedly came across the word.

He subsequently left his cubicle and approached Loutfi, stage-whispering: “Dude! Check it out! BABE-zee-osis!!”

Dr. Martin Swartzberg of the National Institutes of Health, an authority on parasitic diseases of the blood, confirmed that babesiosis has nothing whatsoever to do with “babes.”

According to Swartzberg, the disease, in which parasites infect red blood cells of infected individuals, causes fever and muscle aches, and can be fatal in individuals who do not have a spleen.

“This has nothing to do with cute or attractive women at all,” said Swartzberg. “We’re talking about a serious medical illness.”

Brooks, citing upcoming exams, declined requests for an interview.

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