Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

June 14, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 1

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Experimental Surgery For Hydrocephalus Successful

Full recovery of Mets mascot expected by All-Star game

NEW YORK, NY - Mr. Met, the lovably hapless mascot of the New York Mets baseball team, has had successful correction of long-standing hydrocephalus, according to sources close to the organization.

In addition to the placement of a ventriculoperitoneal shunt, neurosurgeons at The New York Presbyterian Hospital also removed Met's solid cork pituitary gland and 3 inches of unnecessary neck tissue during the 8 1/2 hour surgery (a National League record).

Met's physicians, who expect a full recovery by the All-Star game, praised the ne'er-do-well mascot's rascally ways, as well as the neurosurgical advances that contributed to the experimental procedure's success.

"Thanks to Mr. Met, we now know that it is possible to replace a worn-out wad of cork with high tech polyurethane, and that, when you get right down to it, synthetic leather feels pretty damn much like the real thing," said Saeed Patel, MD, a team advisor. "And post-op, we saw some serious Pennant Fever!"

Met, 38, was first diagnosed with hydrocephalus at birth in 1962, at which time his chances for long term survival, much like those of the Mets themselves, appeared dismal.

"Yeah, that was the hardest year," Met said outside his home in Flushing, NY. "Not only did the team lose like a hundred fifty, hundred sixty games, but on top of that I've got this humongous head!!"

"After that things got better, and of course you know about the team's successes, and I'd been able to manage pretty well too. But in the last couple of years, something changed - maybe it's the air, or the ballparks, or that androstene-whatchamacallit, but I've literally been all knocked out all around, and that Fiorinal just wasn't cuttin' it anymore."

Met also cited the easy target that his skull made for drunken fans at Shea Stadium. "Those fans, they're the best in the world," he smiled, "but gettin' hit in the head with a couple dozen of those glass Bud bottles every game sure does sting after a while."

The Mets organization has been extremely supportive, said Met. "One time [pitching legend Tom] Seaver autographed my face by mistake, and next thing you know, he got sent off to Cincinnati, just like that. That's the kind of support I'm talking about."

Met is expected to join the team in August, where he will continue to provide pep support and comic relief from his usual position atop the Mets dugout.

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