Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

June 14, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 1

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U.S. Pharmaceutical Industry Expects Supply Of Usable Drug Names To Be Depleted By 2005

Vowels to be exhausted by 2003

NEW YORK, NY—US pharmaceutical marketing advisors have announced that names available for new medications will be completely depleted by 2005. In addition, names that include vowels will be "long gone" by 2003. "It's a difficult situation," says industry spokesperson Zbrf Knyzfsky. "We are reaching the point, much as we have already seen in the internet community, where lack of available names is limiting growth opportunities and the ability to bring new products to the market."

At the recent Drug Name Expo 2000, experts suggested that veterinarians could help by adding ".cat," ".dog," or ".horse" to their medications' names, which would "free up a bunch of names for human consumption." Veterinarians, however, have countered by saying that human meds could be similarly altered with ".baby," ".infant," ".man," and ".woman" extensions.

"Damn you, every stinking one of you," sighed Knyzfsky.

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