WANTED
COSTA MESA, CA--Calif. licensed MD dude to score stash. Need active DEA number; knowledge of recreational pharmacology and hallucinogens preferred. Should posess some sort of big drug book where stash to be scored can be looked up and objectively assessed. Doctor dude must be, like, cool and not tell cops or parents about next Saturday at Chad's house.

WANTED
Unicellular protozoan with slightly eccentric nucleolus seeks same for meiotic rapture. Must possess slender Golgi body & unblemished endoplasmic reticulum. No chloroplasts. Previous haploidy experience preferred but not required. Pls provide neg HIV test. Fungi need not apply. Send mRNA to short arm of chromosome 12 if interested.

WANTED
BC/BE Emergency physician for real-time commentary on hospital-based televison dramas. Will be assigned to couch. An ideal candidate will comment on whether on-screen events would occur in a REAL emergency room. Must be willing to smile cryptically and murmur "It happens" when asked about exact frequency of open cardiac massage in local emergency rooms. Intermittent head shaking and snorting noises permitted. Free snacks. ACLS/ATLS.