Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

October 10, 2001 | Volume 2, Issue 8

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USDA Recommendations Followed

Florida man consumes 120 apples, 300 slices of bread per month

TALLAHASSEE, FL--Robert Steinholz is a stickler for details, and he's making sure to follow the USDA's dietary guidelines to a "T".

Steinholz, an accountant and Florida native, consumes the recommended 6-11 servings of bread and pasta every single day, as well as 2-4 servings of fruits and 3-5 servings of vegetables. He also has a glass of milk and a piece of meat with every meal, including breakfast.

USDA Food Pyramid

In total, this amounts to approximately 120 apples a month, plus upwards of 300 slices of bread. "With some 20-25 slices of bread per loaf, that's, like, 14 or 15 loaves of bread a month," he explains.

"Yeah, it's hard to keep up sometimes," admits the 5'7", 280 pound Florida native. "But I figure, hey, if the USDA doesn't know what's good for me, who does?"

Steinholz, who began the USDA diet eight months ago, says that regular injections of insulin help his body process the enormous carbohydrate load that the "food pyramid" subjects him to.

"If that's what it takes to eat what the government thinks is a well-balanced diet, then that's what I gotta do, ain't it!," he says confidently.

His wife, Patty, is less than enthused about her husband's newfound adherence to the federal guidelines. "Look at this fridge," she says. "Between the apples, heads of lettuce, broccoli, and the freakin' loaves of bread, you tell me what there is to be happy about."

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