Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

April 10, 2002 | Volume 3, Issue 2

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Patients Examined From Hallway

Attending notes document physical findings; no actual contact made

WEST COVINA, CA--Dr. Lawrence King, a surgical attending at Covina Medical Center, performed complete exams on patients this morning from the doorways of their hospital rooms, according to awed interns and medical students rotating through the Surgery service.

Dr. Lawrence King

"It was incredible," says third-year medical student Marla Henson. "He didn't need to use a stethoscope, or even touch the patients. Heck, he didn't go anywhere near the patients."

"It was like, 'Hi, how are you, did you pass any gas, O.K., all right', then, NEXT! I don't even think he waited for them to answer!"

Despite the brevity of the actual patient encounters, King apparently performed full exams for every patient, including "stable vitals," "clear lungs," "normal heart sounds," "decreased bowel sounds," and "no edema," according to the attending notes in patients' charts.

Dr. Jason Friedman, a general surgery intern, was another who marveled at King's seemingly supernatural abilities.

"Man, he's efficient. It's like E.S.P. or something - Extrasensory Surgical Perception, " he said. "The man's my role model! When I'm a full-fledged attending, I'm gonna be just like him."

Dr. King is also known for his ability to supervise residents performing surgery from the gym across the street.

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