April 4, 2001 | Volume 2, Issue 4
 

Just like your
mamma used
to make it!

    
Medical Humor & Satire
For Healthcare Professionals

© Q Fever! 2000-2005
 
Menu
Current Issue
Back Issues
Q Fever! Book
Q Fever! Store
Spread The Q!
Support The Q!
Get Paid!
Contact Us

Mailing List
New issues, etc.

Choose:
text version
html version
Email:
Confirm Email:
The Q Fever! Book!
Makes a great gift!
only $13.99
 

Intern's Attempt to Diurese Service
Fails Miserably

Length of stay increases; hospital administration seeks answers

NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Michael Stevens, an intern at Beth Israel-Sinai Downtown Hospital, has got a lot of explaining to do.

Officials at HCFA say his actions were directly responsible for a near-doubling of the hospital's Length-Of-Stay this past month.

Dr. Michael Stevens

Stevens, according to reports, gave intravenous Lasix® (furosemide) in doses ranging from 180-240mg to each of the twenty-two patients on his service, the majority of whom had no indication for the medication. Many became severely dehydrated and required aggressive fluid rehydration.

Stevens explained that he was just "following orders."

"[Second-year resident Jessica Teladi, MD] told me to diurese my service and so I did it," he stammered during questioning by hospital authorities. "I suppose I could have used hydrocholothiazide, but I heard Lasix was better."

Dr. Teladi denied giving Stevens instructions to fluid-deplete his patients.

"I was late for morning report, and I thought his service was getting a little big," she began, "so as I ran off, I told him to discharge as many patients as possible. That's about all I said."

When asked specifically if she had told Stevens to "diurese" his service, Teladi's jaw dropped. "Oh, my God... He really thought I... I mean... Who the hell gives Lasix to twenty-two freakin' patients?!!"

Hospital officials are working closely with New York State health authorities to resolve the crisis.

More Stuff!
 Get the Q Fever! Book!
 The Q Fever! Store!: T-shirts, caps, mugs, and thongs!
 Help Spread Q Fever!
 Support The Q!
 Make Money With The Q Fever! Affiliate Program!
 Subscribe to the Q Fever! Mailing List!
 Contact Q Fever!
Google
web qfever.com
Remember: Quality Without The Q Is Just Uality!
 
Editor-In-Chief: C. Burnetti, MD | Editor-At-Large: M. Furfur, MD, PhD
All rights reserved. © Q Fever!, LLC 2000-2005

Disclaimer: This is a medical humor and parody website meant solely for entertainment purposes, and is not intended to recommend or advise regarding the prevention, diagnosis, or treatment of any medical illness or condition. Stories and articles are meant only to provide a brief, fleeting distraction from the wretchedness of reality, and are not intended to be insensitive, callous, or offensive, or to otherwise belittle the plight of those affected with any medical disease, condition, or illness. All names and descriptions of people are fictitious except for those of well-known public figures, who are the subject of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Medical Humor is just that: Medical Humor.