|
CDC Expands Definition of
"Unsafe Sex"
Coitus during chainsaw juggling uncommon, but definitely
hazardous
ATLANTA, GA--Dr. Jeffrey
Koplan, director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
announced today that the CDC will expand its
definition of "Unsafe Sex" to include a number of novel sexual
activities.
 |
|
Dr. Jeffrey Koplan
|
Koplan said that many of
the activities were unknown to the staid epidemiologists who staffed the
CDC in 1985, when the term was originally defined.
"Basically, you had a group of people with real
tame sex lives", said Koplan. "What did they know from sex?"
In addition to sex with multiple or sequential partners,
anonymous sex, and unprotected anal intercourse, the CDC will now add
the following forms of sex to the definition:
 |
sex with any large ruminant |
|
sex while operating a backhoe |
| |
sex on a rifle range or ordnance test site |
| |
sex balanced on the pointy tip of the Chrysler Building |
| |
sex involving any sort of body-snatching alien or oversized mutant
praying mantis sex while juggling any sort of chainsaw, hedge-clipper,
or power drill. |
Visibly agitated and perspiring by the end
of the press conference, Koplan excused himself to "go to the bathroom."
The new definitions take effect on Tuesday.
|
