Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

June 14, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 1

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Staying Nourished On Call

Dr. Karl

When you're on call, it's more important than ever to keep your body replenished with the necessary fluids and nutrients. But between writing notes, answering pages, and your other on-call duties, it can be difficult to make it to the soda machine, let alone the cafeteria!

This issue, Q Fever!’s I&R correspondent, Dr. Karl Newman, reveals his secrets of: Staying Nourished On Call.

1. Leftover trays.

It's a fact that no one likes to see food get wasted. But after dinner's over, there are always trays left over that have barely even been touched. Without your intervention, what do you think happens to those potatoes, meatloaves, and veggies? Whatever it is - you know it can't be good. Ask the charge nurse to save one of these 'orphan' trays for you. You'll be glad you did.

2. Donuts.

Donuts are everywhere! And they exist in places you've never even dreamed of. Once, when I was an intern, and I forget where I was or what I was doing, but I was reaching into a box or something like that and would you believe I pulled out a donut! So don't forget about donuts when you're looking for a quick and economical snack.

3. Gauze.

You may not know this, but in some countries, gauze is valued for its high fiber content and its low caloric density. Think about it! Here's a great recipe:

Ingredients: One package sterile 4-by-4 gauze sponges, 1 bag D5W, and a small paper cup (the kind they use for urinalysis is perfect). Note: Make sure you ask the nurse first, you crazy klepto!

Directions: Roll gauze into a ball and stuff into paper cup. Pour D5W into cup, letting it soak into gauze. Makes 4 servings.

The thing I love about this recipe is that it tastes great, it's real low in calories, and it's absolutely fat free. The gauze doesn't even get digested! It's full of fiber, which will fill you up and clean you out at the same time. And best of all, you can potentially form one of those amazing bezoars in your stomach. Just tell 'em Dr. Karl sent ya!

Karl Newman, MD is a second-year resident in Internal Medicine. The views expressed in this article do not necessarily represent those of Q Fever!, its editors, or its writers.

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