Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

June 28, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 2

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Ask Dr. Q!

Advice you need, from a stranger you trust.™

Dear Dr. Q,
Here's a question that's been bugging me for a long time now; maybe you can answer it for me: How come Tiger Woods looks so funny without his hat on? - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
That's a good question, especially coming from you, Dr. Gil Morgan, particularly since you're likely still upset about your non-showing at the recent U.S. Open. Dr. Morgan, we all know that you hold a Doctor of Optometry degree, but have never practiced. Well, now that Tiger's finally playing his "A-game," perhaps it's time you and your buddies gave up golf and resumed your previous careers. Take care and all the best to you! - Dr. Q

Dear Dr. Q,
I've got this funny sensation "down there" and I was wondering what I should do about it? - Itchy

Dear Itchy,
First of all, giving medical advice over the internet is a complicated and tricky business. I have not examined you, and I know nothing about your past medical history or allergies to medications. I don't even know if you're male or female! But be that as it may, what I've found in my personal experience is that when a person gets completely bloated, he or she tends to have very little sensation outside of their massively distended abdominal region. So order yourself a large pizza and guzzle it as fast as you can, then toss back a few brews before passing out on the couch. Take care and best of luck to you! - Dr. Q

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