WANTED
U.S. physicians for drug prescriptions. Willing to pay top dollar, free prescription pads with script already written included. Brief case or bag with company logo, 100's of company pens and pen lights available. Frequent free dinners and lectures by our paid speakers included at no cost to you. Call today, or talk to me at lunch. You'll be glad you did!

I'M HUNGRY!
14 week-old infant seeks lactating woman for nourishment, affection, maybe more. I'm lovable and compact, with a "passionate" temperament. You're female, aged 17-40, fond of children, and like to "party" at all hours of the night! Individuals taking tetracyclines or theophylline need not apply. Respond to A. BAYBEE, c/o Q Fever!, 1 Newman Cr., Los Angeles, CA.

SEEKING RESIDENCY POSITION
32 year old medical school graduate with time on my hands and low self-esteem seeks low pay, long hour occupation in crowded east coast city. No benefits needed, just a place to hang my coat and call home. Great at phlebotomy and transporting patients; would prefer not to think much. Good at following orders and making coffee. I love to wear short white coats. Give me a page at 555-BEEP. Thanks!