Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

November 29, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 11

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Makers of Antibacterial Soap Sued

ACLU outraged over discriminatory practices

TUPELO, MI—Describing the targeting of bacteria by certain brands of soap "hate-mongering drivel," the ACLU filed suit late last Thursday against the nation's leading manufacturers of antibacterial soap, including Proctor & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson, and the Dial Co.

ACLU Headquarters

"These soaps are not antifungal, antiviral, antiprotozoal, antihelminthic, or anti-prion," said ACLU spokesperson Abraham J. White.

"No, they're antibacterial, only antibacterial, and I think that stinks!"

White vociferously denounced what he termed "a breakdown of microbial relations," saying that "... [it's] the wrong message to send to the public, especially to the children."

"We need to be teaching that you need to either kill every organism, including fungi, parasites, and bacteria, with these types of soap, or you need to leave all of 'em alone, but you can't single out an entire phylum for extermination, and not the others!"

"For cryin' out loud!" he added.

For comparison, White cited the ACLU-endorsed stance of the makers of Lysol-brand disinfectant, which kills all practically all life forms within seconds of contact.

"Now that's a progressive germicide Americans can be proud of!" said White in Tupelo yesterday.

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