Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

June 27, 2001 | Volume 2, Issue 6

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Pornography Accessed Via Nursing Station Computer

Suspicion falls upon intern

ST. LOUIS, MO-The nursing, medical, and ancillary staff the University of Missouri Medical Center were shaken today by the revelation that a computer terminal on the 7-West medical ward had been used to access pornographic material.

7-West Nurse Manager Dianne Brooks described the discovery: "The charge nurse on days noticed that someone had bookmarked a website called 'www.pussycat.com'. Now, she's got four cats, so naturally she assumed that it was a website devoted to cat care and grooming. All I can say is, she got one helluva nasty surprise."

Dr. Andrew Fields

The findings were subsequently verified by all sixteen nurses working on 7-West, as well as by two phlebotomists, the unit coordinator, a staff nephrologist, and twins Jason and Josh Beckerman, who happened to be visiting their hospitalized grandmother at the time.

According to Brooks, suspicion immediately fell upon Dr. Andrew Fields, an intern who had been rotating on 7-West for a week and a half prior to the discovery.

One source, a nurse on the overnight shift, recalls that "[Fields] was sitting in front of the computer, looking at something, and when I came up to him he, like, really quickly closed the browser..."

"I asked him what he was looking at, and he said he was checking his email. Email! At 3 A.M!"

Earlier today, Fields was said to have been perspiring visibly on emerging from a lengthy meeting with Brooks and residency training director Dr. Anne Hershowitz. However, according to sources, Fields continued to insist that he had never seen the website in question.

On 7-West, however, few appeared to give much credence to Field's denials.

Marc Molloy, head of Information Services, said his department regarded the incident as serious, and that he and a team of technicians had spent much of the day evaluating "www.pussycat.com," along with related websites.

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