Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

April 23, 2003 | Volume 4, Issue 1

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Contraceptive Sponge Available Again

Likely to replace intra-vaginal Swiffer™

TRENTON, NJ—According to reports, the "Contraceptive Sponge" will become available again this month, after an eight-year absence from the birth-control market. A popular contraceptive among women who preferred to avoid hormones, the sponge was withdrawn from the market in 1994, forcing many couples to use other household cleaning products as contraceptives.


While Brillo™ pads and the Oreck™ 8-pound Vacuum were found to have little use in preventing unwanted pregnancy, the patented Swiffer™ had established a niche among women and couples who appreciated its versatility and absorbency. In addition, the Swiffer's™ ability to grab on to hair, dust, and dirt allowed for easy clean-up once the sex act was done.

The Swiffer's™ patented Lift & Lock Pockets™ are believed to be capable of grabbing on to hard-to-catch spermatozoa - even those that lodge in hard-to-reach corners of the vagina. Many couples have also found the zesty lemon scent of the Swiffer™ to be a refreshing improvement on odors traditionally associated with human sexual intercourse.

Intra-vaginal Swiffer™

Nevertheless, the fact that sperm are "Swiff-able™" did not translate into a high rates of pregnancy prevention - only 70-80% - relative to that obtained using condoms, intrauterine devices, and hormonal contraceptives. Additionally, many couples found the flexible plastic handle of the Swiffer™ Duster uncomfortable during sex.

These factors, combined with the Swiffer's™ high price compared with that of other contraceptive products, lead many analysts to predict a sharp decline in its use now that the sponge is once again available.

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