Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

October 5, 2005 | Volume 5, Issue 2

E Pluribus Jejunum


Statistics Suppressed On Highly Prevalent Allergy, Says Researcher

Chart review shows millions are allergic to n-keto-deoxyaminolevulinic acid (NKDA)

WICHITA, KS—According to a researcher at the University Of Kansas School Of Public Health-Wichita, millions of people nationwide are allergic to an obscure chemical known as n-keto-deoxyaminolevulinic acid (NKDA), and are “victims of a massive coverup perpetrated by the medical profession.”

Jonathan Wester, M.P.H.

Jonathan Wester, M.P.H., a faculty member in the Department of General Public Health, says he was performing a routine chart review for another study when he made the startling discovery that an allergy to NKDA, while noted in hundreds of charts, was seldom, if ever, considered in diagnosis or treatment plans. A further investigation, he says, persuaded him that information about the allergy had been “systematically and deliberately supressed,” and he “became determined to get to the bottom of this, once and for all.”

“I’ve spent the last couple of years reviewing charts at dozens of medical centers all across the country, and let me just say this: there is definitely something going on here,” said Wester during a phone conversation yesterday. “There are literally millions of people who have an allergy to this substance, and they’re not being informed about it! All the doctors, nurses, insurance companies – they’re all in on it, but why aren’t they telling the patients?”

“Even my very own medical chart shows an allergy to NKDA, and for all these years I was under the impression that I had no drug allergies at all ... none that I knew about, anyway. But these so-called medical professionals knew something I didn’t – and didn’t think it was important to share it with me. Why?!”

Dr. Wester says his immediate priorities are to inform the public and conduct a large-scale study of the prevalence and impact of allergy to NKDA. He adds that, although he has encountered “much resistance” during his self-described “quest for answers,” he remains undeterred.

“Look, I know some people are laughing. I hear the snickering. People are asking me all the time if I’m being serious. They say, ‘Hey, are you serious?’ And I say, what could be more serious, than millions of people being deceived into thinking they have no known drug allergy, when they are in fact allergic to n-keto-deoxyaminolevulinic acid?”

When asked what he will do once he has completed his work on NKDA allergy, Wester states he has plenty more to investigate.

“Here’s another deception that’s been perpetrated upon the public. According to these same charts, there is apparently a condition, code-named Φ, that millions of Americans have, and may not know it. They have surgeries for Φ, and their social histories, family histories, and reviews of systems are all significant for Φ. Many people are even allergic to Φ. But what is Φ? Ask any physician, and they’ll say, ‘Oh, it’s nothing.’”

“Nothing? Oh, I doubt that. I highly doubt that.”

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