Q Fever! Medical Humor & Satire

July 2, 2003 | Volume 4, Issue 2

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Despite SARS Scare, Travel To Affected Areas Deemed “Safe”

“Just don't come back,” says CDC

ATLANTA, GA-–The Centers For Disease Control (CDC) announced at a press conference today that, despite earlier warnings from the World Health Organization (WHO), travel to SARS-affected areas such as China, Hong Kong, and Canada is “absolutely safe.”

SARS Virus

“The notion that the SARS virus should keep a person from traveling is nonsense,” said CDC spokesperson Robert Matherly.

“It’s the part where you come back to the U.S., is where the problem is.”

“We believe,” continued Matherly, “that [the WHO] acted out of an irrational and misguided sense of fear when their travel advisory was issued. There is simply no need whatsoever to cancel or postpone travel anywhere, so by all means, travel.”

“In fact, bring your loved ones. Stay for a while. We think you’ll rather enjoy what Canada, for example, has to offer: White Fang. World-class bacon. Dudley Do-right and the Royal Mounted Police. And we here at the CDC pledge to assist you in obtaining a temporary one-year visa, or even permanent Canadian citizenship if you so desire.”

According to the CDC, simple precautions that can help prevent the spread of SARS by U.S. travelers include frequent hand-washing, not touching mucous membranes such as the eyes or nose, wearing facemasks while in the airport and on the plane, and remaining hydrated by drinking plenty of fluids.

“Oh, and most importantly,” added Matherly, “whatever you do, do not come back here. Not to the U.S., you’re not. No way. Don’t even think about it. Nope. No can do.”

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