BLACK STOOLS
Large number of black stools for sale. Most made of solid mahogany, perfect for sitting at the bar or playing cards at the bridge table. Others are by-product of upper GI bleeding combined with long transit time in the small and large intestine. All in excellent condition. Sizes vary from 3 1/2 feet high, to just small and tarry enough to squish in the palm of your hand. Maroon stools also available. Ask for Melanie.

SLIGHTLY USED INTRA-AORTIC BALLOON PUMP
Only used once; still springy and bouncy when inflated. Afterload? You decide! Intravascular use possible, but consider placing in GI or GU tract for practical joke purposes and/or gentle rhythmic stimulation. Special “funkinator” attachment causes balloon to inflate/deflate in time to bass line of favorite tunes. A great stocking stuffer! Stop “procrastinatin” & call now. 205-993-2932.

LIQUID DRANO FOR YOUR ARTERIES
Dissolves cholesterol and other components of atheromatous plaques, plus hair, soap scum, and hard-to-remove bathroom buildup. Unique churning action melts fatty deposits and also feels terrific! Will eat right through your skin if left there long enough; otherwise as safe for your circulatory system as it is for your household plumbing and garbage disposal unit. On sale now at Walmart.

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein, carbohydrates and phat. Warning: may not be suitable for adults suffering from irony deficiency. Click here for more information.